Attention Class · Mama time

End of an era

Next month, Bailey will be back in public schools.

I have mixed emotions about this.

Our experience during his second grade year was absolutely horrendous. I do not want to go through that stupidity again! I do not want to deal with a teacher who won’t give him harder work, knowing he is smart enough to handle it, marking his scores as low despite correct answers, complaining that he gets his stuff done before she can explain the assignment, that there was nothing more to give him but he didn’t need advanced classes and he just needed to sit still and be quiet for the rest of the day. Seriously. It was bat shit crazy! And nothing I did or tried to do changed a damn thing. No one tried to help. I was ignored and my son was to ‘blame’.

So why am I sending him back? Because I’ve hit my limit and I know when to bow out.

Long story short, I’m stubborn, he’s stubborn and we need some time apart.

He’s adamant that because he’s smart and ahead of where he’s supposed to be, that means he can’t be wrong on anything. Ever. And any evidence, or person, that proves otherwise, is wrong. Anytime anyone challenges him on this, he has tantrums, and basically make every daily activity as difficult as possible, no matter the punishment, because it angers and frustrates him so much to be wrong. On top of that, he’ll do the same thing if he’s asked to do something when he has something else in mind.

I’m adamant on being a ‘do unto other’s as you’d like done unto you’ type person. I show respect, kindness, tolerance, support, acceptance etc. at all times. Unless the other person is continuously mean without remorse, then I give what I get. I have zero tolerance for people who take advantage of nice and helpful people over and over, and I refuse to be, or let others be, their toy. I also have zero tolerance for people who refuse to admit/apologize for their mistakes and hurt the people who point it out instead.

Which means, anytime I told him it was time for school, found a mistake in his work, or asked him to do anything he wasn’t willing to do, he would throw a fit and I wouldn’t let him get away with it. It was an all day, losing battle over every aspect of daily life. Neither of us were having any fun. In fact, these past two years have caused me to be extra anxious, depressed and withdrawn. It’s caused him to be constantly angry and not seeing how fun things can be. I hate seeing how this has affected him and I really hate what it’s done to me. So, for our sanity and relationship, he’s going back to public school.

I’m hoping that since he’s in 5th grade, and it’s a new school, with different teachers, that maybe they’ll give him the extra, harder work he needs. That being with his peers and watching them make mistakes and how they handle them, will help him handle his mistakes better. I tell him all day long you have to just acknowledge, admit/apologize, and learn from them, NOT acting out like he does, but it’s not doing any good no matter what punishment I give him. He needs to see it happen instead, I guess. That is something public school, hopefully, can do for him.

Plus, I’m noticing he’s not as social anymore and I really, really don’t want him to become a hermit like me…

If this year is another disaster, we will homeschool again. I’d rather deal with his tantrums and my inability to get through to him, then him not being given a good education. Because, although we’ve had a rough go of it, he’s still testing above his grade level in all subjects. It will suck balls, and I’ll probably need to be away from the house on a daily basis to keep my nerves from getting back to where they are now, but it would be worth it. His education is by far more important than our clashing in the long run.

I’m crossing all my crossables that this school year is a success for everyone. Our entire family needs it to be.

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One thought on “End of an era

  1. I understand your frustration. I have a couple grandkids who are over achievers and also hate being told something is wrong. My thirteen yr old will be starting college next year to combine high school and college courses. When she graduates high school she will be over half way to a BA. I said this to give just a nugget of advice. The more I found things to affirm in them, the easier it was for them to take a big swallow and accept when I pointed out something in error. Of course, this might only work because I’m the grammy. But saying a statement like, “I know you’re fabulous in Math but you might want to check problem 3 again. or I never realized (fill in the blank), let’s research it so I can get it clear in my head.” If you don’t have an all consuming need to be right, perhaps he will lighten up. Sometimes these kids are so used to being right or being so ahead of their peers, it’s hard for them to accept they are fallible. When they are finally aware of being wrong please never make a big deal of it. A simple, “Oh well, even the smartest man on earth gets it wrong once in a while. Your errors are definitely few and far between.” This might help to stem that need to prove themselves right constantly. I wish you well with your gifted child.

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