Cause I'm random · Mama time

Something new, for August

new officeAs I type this, I’m surrounded by a symphony of birds and insects, mixed with the tinkling of wind chimes…and the occasional car. It’s peaceful (minus the cars), and it might just be my new favorite way to start my day.

Why didn’t we buy a table and chairs for the patio sooner?!

But I digress.

Things will change drastically around here in August when both kids go back to school. Our summer schedule will be no more. And so will our homeschool routine. Squirt, I can’t lie, it’s breaking my heart and scaring the bejeesus out of me. What am I supposed to do all day without my babies by my side? How am I going to cope with having only myself as company for hours on end? How can parents get excited that their kids will be gone all day? The thought of this just kills me inside!

Son of a bitch. This sucks monkey balls.

I feel like Bailey is a newborn again. That I have just a handful of days left, before I have to go back to work and hand him over to strangers to take care of all day. My heart is in my throat. It’s thumping at a break neck pace. I’m terrified. I’m sad. I’m angry. I just wish there was another way, a better way.  It’s a crippling feeling I thought I’d never have to experience again. Boy was I wrong! This time there is no job to quit. This time, they have to be without me all day. There is literally nothing I can do, because it’s the best option.

Sometimes I hate how logical I am. Sometimes. I wish I could run on emotions instead…

So here I am, outside, drinking my coffee, trying to find the courage to get through this next change and find my new routine. There has to be a silver lining to make this easier to bear.

 

* * *

My goal for August is to survive having both munchkins away from me all day. I’m going to recreate my daily routine adding in some fun and positivity to make it as easy on me as possible. I’m going to take advantage of this alone time and do things that are just for me. Things I’ve put off. Things I refused to make time for. Because my problem really isn’t them being away from me, it’s me being by myself and not knowing how to do that anymore.

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